Anchors Made of Gold

The phone rings early in the morning before I go to work. I answer the video call with a smile on my face, making sure that my tired or worried expressions are not too obvious. The noises in the room don’t go unnoticed, not when five people live in the same room–a room that is now my home.

This is how my morning usually goes, calling my family living in the Philippines while I’m in Taiwan earning money to provide for all of us. These calls are the only thing connecting me from the place I used to call my home, and on making sure that my family is achieving the dreams that they have.

This is a descriptive scene from the movie “And the Breadwinner is,” a fictional movie about the life of a Filipino breadwinner that is set in both Taiwan and the Philippines. Although it is a movie, it depicts a reality that many breadwinners face. It’s a great example of a movie that showcases all the expectations which they have to carry.

In Filipino breadwinner stories, many are both heroes and humans. They are celebrated for carrying a family’s dream, yet quietly bearing the weight of their own sacrifices. This is a glimpse into that world, so the outside can understand its depth, and those within can feel seen in its truth.

Although I’ve not experienced what it is like to be a breadwinner yet, I still carry the expectations of a breadwinner: the responsibility to take care of my family. And it’s not just implied–it’s spoken. As I grow older, I frequently hear things such as “Oh Precious kung meron kang pera, magbigay ka dito ah,” (Precious when you start earning, don’t forget to give us some money). Even things like “Precious, ikaw ang mag bahala sakin kung matanda na ako,” which translates to “Precious when I get old you better take care of me.”

Being a breadwinner is one of the things Filipinos carry quietly, even before they earn their first paycheck. These words are still a reminder that one day I will become a provider to my family. That I will one day face the burden to send money to the Philippines or to financially help out my family in multiple ways, and that is something a teenager shouldn’t have to feel.

“Being a breadwinner in the Philippines in my opinion, is about breaking that cycle of hardship and even poverty in that family. Sometimes this [can also mean] breaking that cycle of going to highschool, college and even elementary school. You have given hope to your family to elevate that stress, therefore now there’s this expectation to follow through and take care of them. That’s what breadwinner is, but from what I’ve seen, families become really reliant on it,” said Tyler, a young Filipino currently living in the Philippines who has seen breadwinner culture with her own eyes.

So, it’s always an ongoing pressure that they need to carry their family–like an anchor–to end the pattern that their family has started out for them, in some cases, poverty. To ultimately become the financial resource for their family.

One thing that impacts Filipino breadwinner culture is that there are a significant number of low-income families residing in the Philippines. In our culture, a small minority of people deal with demanding expectations to break that cycle of poverty for their families. According to IBON, a non-profit organization for socioeconomic data in the Philippines, “the poverty incidence or proportion of poor Filipinos in 2023 at 15.5% or just 17.5 million poor Filipinos.”

Families choose a person that shows signs of doing well academically, someone who has already graduated, or (usually) the oldest child. In other words, a sign of light and hope. Although the family has seen the light of that person, deep inside (because of the pressure of carrying the weight to become a breadwinner), that person can slowly lose their inner light. But that’s the thing, not many recognize the emotional cost within that role, giving up a lot of things to be able to offer that future for your family.

Additionally, what makes this hardship more complicated is how often being a breadwinner is glamorized in social media. The stories seen on Tiktok or Facebook usually show the pay-off of becoming one: a newly built and renovated house, a haul of boxes filled with gifts and necessities sent to the Philippines, the overjoyed parent and a tearful reunion. But the exhaustion is rarely seen: the hard work, the skipped meals, and sometimes when people go abroad–the homesickness.While yes, these moments can be inspiring, they are also reinforcing an agenda; that you’re not only providing for yourself.

In the Philippines, we’re taught that blood is thicker than water. The importance of family, so through everything, family is the only thing that is always going to be there for you. So, for many being a breadwinner not only becomes expected but also necessary.

One cultural concept that I believe really ties back to our breadwinner culture is “utang na loob,” a famous Filipino phrase that translates to “debt of gratitude.”

“Utang na loob culture, it’s just you owing someone, you being grateful for an act of kindness shown to you. It’s like feeling indebted to someone: Now that you’ve helped me this much, it’s just right and it’s expected for me to return that favor to you.’” Tyler said.

Additionally, in my perspective, utang na loob is the idea that, because our families did everything for us, we have to do the same thing for them as well. That we owe our family something.

It is okay to be thankful for our family and show them that we are thankful, but it can become this expectation that we should have this debt of gratitude. While gratitude can be very important, it can turn into obligation and can be very overwhelming. Many feel the obligation to give back because of what their parents did for them. Utang na loob makes it hard to say no, to set those boundaries, or even to ask: “What do I want for myself?”

Being a breadwinner is all about caring for your family, especially in the Filipino culture. But it shouldn’t always be (or feel) like a weight over one’s shoulder or a path that they feel like they have to follow. So, for me, although I’ve grown up to the idea that I might become one someday, I want to be able to choose my own path. To still achieve my goals, while providing for my family, and breaking the cycle. Breaking the cycle doesn’t mean I have to turn my back on my family–it means redefining what support looks like. I want to be able to give but still protect myself from all of the expectations.